So ... as I'm sitting at my desk, hand free set pressed to my ear, making notes, researching information, and all the while the customer who wants me to know how rich he is, is swearing at me calling me a liar, a customer whom I have never talked to before in my life, and have not yet since I answered the phone offered information to or have gotten in a single word to ... other than my name.
His words are making my ears want to bleed and I'm stop staring at the screen and I stare at the pen in my hand and think, if I jab this in both ears ... I will never ever have to hear such disgusting trash again. And for a few moments I am seriously considering this ... doing bodily harm to myself just to avoid the phone, to avoid having to ask another person on the end of the line ... "How may i be of service? Or how can I help you?"
And why? Well because quitting is for pussies.
But anyway the moment passes and I no longer want to harm myself but I want to yell back at this jerk of a customer so bad that I'm clenching my jaw until it hurts ... and I'm thinking this is crazy ... I'm taking this crap for a company that I don't even work for, (my company contracts to them) and whose services I don't subscribe to ... I don't even know what the customer's complaint is because he's spent the last 30 minutes of what in my company's policy is only supposed to be a 12 min call insulting me.
So why am I doing this? Because it's a job, I remind myself. And because there are people out there who want jobs and can't get one and so I'm should be thankful. And I tell myself this every night.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Sunday, March 02, 2008
WHEN DOES IT END?
http://youtube.com/stream?s=1785069568
Join the Cyber-sit in at youtube.
In Rememberance of Lawrence King
On February 12th a young boy, Lawrence King was gunned down by another young boy, a fellow classmate .....
At approximately 8:15 a.m., an eighth grade 15-year-old boy, identified as Lawrence Fobes King ("Larry")[8] was shot in the head by the suspect, Brandon McInerney, in a computer lab classroom.[9] King was transported to St. John's Regional Medical Center and was listed in serious condition. Examiners had declared King brain dead.[10] King was kept on life support until February 15, 2008, so his organs could be donated.[11] It was reported that King was shot because he was openly gay and sometimes dressed in a "feminine" manner. Prosecutors have discussed charging the 14-year-old shooter with premeditated murder with enhancements for the use of a firearm and commission of a hate crime.[12]
Wikipedia feed.
Fron VH1 news
15-year-old Lawrence "Larry" King was shot in the head at the E.O. Green School in Oxnard, California, reportedly for being gay. He was in the eighth grade.
Three days after the shooting, on February 15, King was taken off life support and pronounced dead.
King's killer, 14-year-old Brandon McInerney, apparently targeted the student because he was openly gay and sometimes dressed in women's clothes. King also wore makeup and jewelry to class on occasion. It's possible that McInerney, who has been charged with murder and the commission of a hate crime, will be tried as an adult, which means he could face 50 years to life in prison if convicted.
King's death came 10 years after the brutal murder of University of Wyoming student Matthew Shepard, who was also killed because of his sexual orientation. But for some reason, King's murder generated just a fraction of the media coverage that follows most school-shooting incidents. In fact, most of the initial reports about the killing were turned out by local news agencies, and the national media didn't catch up until several days later.
A series of candlelight vigils have been held throughout the U.S. in the wake of the student's death (an estimated 1,000 people marched in Oxnard the weekend following the murder), in an effort to raise awareness of what many feel was a largely underreported case. MTV News attended one such vigil on Friday night, just outside of Los Angeles, where dozens gathered — not with candles but glowsticks — to remember King.
I never knew Lawrence King or his teen-aged murderer Brandon McInerney. But I do know that two lives were destroyed in a senseless act of violence. And I can't help but mourn them both: The out and proud child who wasn't afraid of who he was and the child so filled with hate for and fear of diversity, he felt the only way to combat that fear was through murder.
It's ironic, considering I told myself I wouldn't do it any more, blog anything other than posting my original or fan fiction.
After all why should anyone listen to the voice of one woman. One black lesbian woman.
What could I possibly say that anyone would want to hear, or read that isn't entertainment?
So maybe you won't hear it.
Or read it.
But I'm gonna say it anyway.
Aren't you tired? Aren't you pissed off!? Sad!? Outrage!?
This battle rages on and we're still dying and bleeding and this war is taking our young.
And the political and religious right-wing enemy makes it okay for the world to treat us like animals to beat down. Makes it okay for us to live in fear, that holding hands in public, flying the rainbow flag, or an affectionate peck on the cheek might be met with more than just a simple snide remark, but slashed tires, loss of employment or loss of life.
So we have to keep it straight in public. Smile while listening to co-workers share home life anecdotes about wives, husbands, and children, with our lips pressed tight and the joys of home life we want to share waiting to be shouted.
Fear of harassment holds our tongue and fear of ostracization keeps us chained.
And it's nothing new. Because that's just the way things are. Right?
We know this story and maybe some of us have grown used to it. Have learned to take it in stride like the dog kept on the leash in the backyard. He doesn't bark anymore, doesn't demand attention or growl at the neighbors because that leash...
Well that's just the way things are.
And it's that leash that affords us no protection. And we are defenseless like Lawrence King, Mathew Shepard, Brandon Tina and those before and after. Because the law and the law makers do not recognize our right to live. Our right to individuality. Our right to walk down the streets, to work at our jobs without fear.
We have to make the change. We have to break the leash. Until we do, we are defenseless.
http://youtube.com/stream?s=1785069568
Join the Cyber Sit-in at youtube.
Leave the stream open even as you go about your day. It's a small thing to do .... but it says so much. And there is so much more we can do ... to tell the world.
We have had enough. To protect ourselves. To protect our young.
Join the Cyber-sit in at youtube.
In Rememberance of Lawrence King
On February 12th a young boy, Lawrence King was gunned down by another young boy, a fellow classmate .....
At approximately 8:15 a.m., an eighth grade 15-year-old boy, identified as Lawrence Fobes King ("Larry")[8] was shot in the head by the suspect, Brandon McInerney, in a computer lab classroom.[9] King was transported to St. John's Regional Medical Center and was listed in serious condition. Examiners had declared King brain dead.[10] King was kept on life support until February 15, 2008, so his organs could be donated.[11] It was reported that King was shot because he was openly gay and sometimes dressed in a "feminine" manner. Prosecutors have discussed charging the 14-year-old shooter with premeditated murder with enhancements for the use of a firearm and commission of a hate crime.[12]
Wikipedia feed.
Fron VH1 news
15-year-old Lawrence "Larry" King was shot in the head at the E.O. Green School in Oxnard, California, reportedly for being gay. He was in the eighth grade.
Three days after the shooting, on February 15, King was taken off life support and pronounced dead.
King's killer, 14-year-old Brandon McInerney, apparently targeted the student because he was openly gay and sometimes dressed in women's clothes. King also wore makeup and jewelry to class on occasion. It's possible that McInerney, who has been charged with murder and the commission of a hate crime, will be tried as an adult, which means he could face 50 years to life in prison if convicted.
King's death came 10 years after the brutal murder of University of Wyoming student Matthew Shepard, who was also killed because of his sexual orientation. But for some reason, King's murder generated just a fraction of the media coverage that follows most school-shooting incidents. In fact, most of the initial reports about the killing were turned out by local news agencies, and the national media didn't catch up until several days later.
A series of candlelight vigils have been held throughout the U.S. in the wake of the student's death (an estimated 1,000 people marched in Oxnard the weekend following the murder), in an effort to raise awareness of what many feel was a largely underreported case. MTV News attended one such vigil on Friday night, just outside of Los Angeles, where dozens gathered — not with candles but glowsticks — to remember King.
I never knew Lawrence King or his teen-aged murderer Brandon McInerney. But I do know that two lives were destroyed in a senseless act of violence. And I can't help but mourn them both: The out and proud child who wasn't afraid of who he was and the child so filled with hate for and fear of diversity, he felt the only way to combat that fear was through murder.
It's ironic, considering I told myself I wouldn't do it any more, blog anything other than posting my original or fan fiction.
After all why should anyone listen to the voice of one woman. One black lesbian woman.
What could I possibly say that anyone would want to hear, or read that isn't entertainment?
So maybe you won't hear it.
Or read it.
But I'm gonna say it anyway.
Aren't you tired? Aren't you pissed off!? Sad!? Outrage!?
This battle rages on and we're still dying and bleeding and this war is taking our young.
And the political and religious right-wing enemy makes it okay for the world to treat us like animals to beat down. Makes it okay for us to live in fear, that holding hands in public, flying the rainbow flag, or an affectionate peck on the cheek might be met with more than just a simple snide remark, but slashed tires, loss of employment or loss of life.
So we have to keep it straight in public. Smile while listening to co-workers share home life anecdotes about wives, husbands, and children, with our lips pressed tight and the joys of home life we want to share waiting to be shouted.
Fear of harassment holds our tongue and fear of ostracization keeps us chained.
And it's nothing new. Because that's just the way things are. Right?
We know this story and maybe some of us have grown used to it. Have learned to take it in stride like the dog kept on the leash in the backyard. He doesn't bark anymore, doesn't demand attention or growl at the neighbors because that leash...
Well that's just the way things are.
And it's that leash that affords us no protection. And we are defenseless like Lawrence King, Mathew Shepard, Brandon Tina and those before and after. Because the law and the law makers do not recognize our right to live. Our right to individuality. Our right to walk down the streets, to work at our jobs without fear.
We have to make the change. We have to break the leash. Until we do, we are defenseless.
http://youtube.com/stream?s=1785069568
Join the Cyber Sit-in at youtube.
Leave the stream open even as you go about your day. It's a small thing to do .... but it says so much. And there is so much more we can do ... to tell the world.
We have had enough. To protect ourselves. To protect our young.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
WHAT'S THE POINT?
Yep it's been a while.
Been busy. Been overwhelmed. Been lazy ... and damned near to the point of wondering what's the point.
Sometimes even good things can disrupt your life to the point of well, where the good isn't always good.
Too much of anything is overwhelming to the point mental melt down. Lose parts of one's self that can never be reclaimed ... and all around people never know why ... because it becomes easy to slip the mask in place ... it wavers occasionally ... and the habitual replies slip off the tongue so easily. You know, the "I'm just tired," line Or the "my thoughts are just a little jumbled right now," excuse.
But what really wants to come out is "Goddamn it. It's just too fucking much. I need a break. I'm lost. I can't find myself. Because it's just too goddamn fucking much. I can't breathe. I'm suffocating in my surroundings. I'm suffocating in my own mind, and beneath my skin. I feel like a trapped animal seconds away from gnawing off my own paw."
But nothing like that can ever slip past the lips. That only happens in the movies. Coward.
Loved ones don't really want to know what's wrong. Because then it has to be dealt with. and all that crap about you can tell me anything and I'll understand. It's bullshit. What they want you to tell them is that everything is alright. And that no matter how close you are to breaking ... you'll keep it to yourself and just get over it... hold it all in until you die.
And if one were brave enough to actually admit the truth ... to share and confide ... it soon becomes apparent that truth sharing is a grave miscalculation. A horrible mistake that only leads to more anguish to pile atop the shit already weighing down the camel's back.
No good ever really comes of telling the truth, does it? Truth only produces "the treadmill affect."
Hurt feelings. Yelling. Apologizes. Promises that things will change and then nothing does change. So then everything gets bottled up again. The cycle continues until something finally breaks ... and when things break ... in my experience it's usually unrepairable.
Do I sound bitter. I'm not really. Just realistic.
No one has to agree with me. In fact you can go on deluding yourselves ... that nothing I've said here is true ... and stick to your own excuses as to why there are things you bury deep inside ...
So any way ... Here's my latest addition to the poetry and prose
Surface Matters
Been busy. Been overwhelmed. Been lazy ... and damned near to the point of wondering what's the point.
Sometimes even good things can disrupt your life to the point of well, where the good isn't always good.
Too much of anything is overwhelming to the point mental melt down. Lose parts of one's self that can never be reclaimed ... and all around people never know why ... because it becomes easy to slip the mask in place ... it wavers occasionally ... and the habitual replies slip off the tongue so easily. You know, the "I'm just tired," line Or the "my thoughts are just a little jumbled right now," excuse.
But what really wants to come out is "Goddamn it. It's just too fucking much. I need a break. I'm lost. I can't find myself. Because it's just too goddamn fucking much. I can't breathe. I'm suffocating in my surroundings. I'm suffocating in my own mind, and beneath my skin. I feel like a trapped animal seconds away from gnawing off my own paw."
But nothing like that can ever slip past the lips. That only happens in the movies. Coward.
Loved ones don't really want to know what's wrong. Because then it has to be dealt with. and all that crap about you can tell me anything and I'll understand. It's bullshit. What they want you to tell them is that everything is alright. And that no matter how close you are to breaking ... you'll keep it to yourself and just get over it... hold it all in until you die.
And if one were brave enough to actually admit the truth ... to share and confide ... it soon becomes apparent that truth sharing is a grave miscalculation. A horrible mistake that only leads to more anguish to pile atop the shit already weighing down the camel's back.
No good ever really comes of telling the truth, does it? Truth only produces "the treadmill affect."
Hurt feelings. Yelling. Apologizes. Promises that things will change and then nothing does change. So then everything gets bottled up again. The cycle continues until something finally breaks ... and when things break ... in my experience it's usually unrepairable.
Do I sound bitter. I'm not really. Just realistic.
No one has to agree with me. In fact you can go on deluding yourselves ... that nothing I've said here is true ... and stick to your own excuses as to why there are things you bury deep inside ...
So any way ... Here's my latest addition to the poetry and prose
Surface Matters
Monday, December 18, 2006
LOSING COLOR
This was something I wrote years ago after my accident. Odd ramblings of a discordant mind. I was in a terrible state, my body fragile and my mind struggled against the pressure of breaking completely. Helplessness is a terrible feeling and that period brought back memories, that I don't like to dwell on too often. I no longer feel this way (almost never feel this way) but I wanted to post it anyway.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
BRAIN FRY/ SKULL MELTDOWN
Well it's official,
I am in danger of the new job sucking out
the few brain cells I have left in my skull.
I'm not sure how it happened, but nothing
seems to work like it does in training.
And I've yet to come across a single problem
we went over in training.
I don't know. My last job, everything we were
taught we applied. I mean odd situations came up
but I felt better equipped, and more able to deal
with the unplanned, WTF situations then, than I do now.
Maybe it's from having been out of the job market for
so long.
Maybe it's trying to get what's solely been a writer's brain,
for four years to function in a solely technical aspect. Trying to
shut off for 7-8 hours a day the part of me that's had 24 hour reign.
Or maybe I'm just not as smart as I think I am.
Nah ... I'm brilliant.
Work is stupid. Ugh.
Ah well, we'll see. What doesn't kill us, right?
It's days like these I wish I were a normal person.
I am in danger of the new job sucking out
the few brain cells I have left in my skull.
I'm not sure how it happened, but nothing
seems to work like it does in training.
And I've yet to come across a single problem
we went over in training.
I don't know. My last job, everything we were
taught we applied. I mean odd situations came up
but I felt better equipped, and more able to deal
with the unplanned, WTF situations then, than I do now.
Maybe it's from having been out of the job market for
so long.
Maybe it's trying to get what's solely been a writer's brain,
for four years to function in a solely technical aspect. Trying to
shut off for 7-8 hours a day the part of me that's had 24 hour reign.
Or maybe I'm just not as smart as I think I am.
Nah ... I'm brilliant.
Work is stupid. Ugh.
Ah well, we'll see. What doesn't kill us, right?
It's days like these I wish I were a normal person.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Things That Make Me Go Hmh...
Or make me feel uncomfortable.
Like discovering new things about myself that
veer away from social norms ... and fall into
taboo. It's not like there isn't enough in my life
that the Exclusive RIGHT point fingers at.
Like my skin color. Like my being a lesbian.
But now there has to be all this other stuff that,
even some of those among the non-Exclusive
right tend to arch brows at.
Self-Discovery sucks.
Monday, December 11, 2006
BIRTHDAY GIRL
So today is my life partner's or S.O.'s
Birthday.
SweetGirl's special day.
And you know what?
I consider this my special day too.
The day she was born.
I thank the universe for it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY!!!!!
Birthday.
SweetGirl's special day.
And you know what?
I consider this my special day too.
The day she was born.
I thank the universe for it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY!!!!!
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