Holiday Cheer~WTF is that?


Well I haven't posted here since ... well not since the first blog which was ... hell if I can remember. The world has been a blur of training manuals, training simulations, rough draft revisions, research and I managed to squeeze in a few posts to one of my older blogs.

Tomorrow's Turkey-day and in a month we'll be kissing under mistletoe, leaving milk and cookies for Santa; and thanking him with lip to c*ck service, or tongue to p*ssy service for the new sports car, diamond ring, or the $500 pair of shoes.

Well I won't be getting that stuff. My Santa Clause is poor and can barely afford reindeer food. She had to pawn Rudolph for a new red sack. One of the metal slats on the sleigh went bad and needs an alignment. And she's too thin to be jolly.

But she'll get tongue service, just because. My Santa knows how to make me feel good.

Anyway, thing is ... I can't seem to get excited about the holidays. Even when the money was plenty, I couldn't seem to find the holiday spirit. I'm no bah-humbug but each holiday seems more of a chore to me (at times) than a time for celebration. As for being thankful for family and friends--I'm thankful everyday for the love I have and for those who share my slice of the world. I don't need a holiday reminder to make me realize that I'm blessed.

I don't know when I stopped becoming giddy over Turkey-day, Easter and Christmas. Some time during childhood is as best as I can recall. I can't name a year or an age. I don't know if there was a specific occurrence or if there might have been several that led up to my ambivalence. Or maybe they just simply lost their magic for me just because. They don't depress me ... they just start approaching and I always want them to hurry and get over with ... because it always seems like my life is on hold until they pass.

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's as simple as the holiday seasons make me feel as though my life has grounded to a halt and can't run smoothly again until T-day and Christmas have gone by.

Is that selfish? Probably is. But that's the truth of how I feel. I don't begrudge others their merriment. I'm not quite the Grinch ...

...but I just don't see the hype.

Not from the Christian or the secular point of view.

Of course, I feel the same way about my birthday. Somewhere down the line it became just another day. I hit 38 in March and suddenly I can never remember if I'm 36 or 39. Funny. I honestly can't pinpoint the when and why these days 'supposed special occasions' became nothing more than inconveniences.

I enjoy having the family and friends around but labeling an occasion for it makes me feel resentful. As if the other times spent with the people we care about are somehow less special and not as noteworthy as a holiday gathering ... or the gifts we give or receive to and from each other through-out the year are somehow less important, less appreciated and less special than at Christmas time.

I'm always thankful. Always grateful. And the love I'll feel on June 6th 2007 for my lover and friends will be no less powerful or wondrous than the love I'll feel for them on December the 25th 2006.

Claudia