PRODUCTIVENESS

You ever have one of those lives when everything you wanted just seem so far away? You can almost touch it with the tip of your finger ... and you just can't seem to reach it?

Damn. I hate that.

I'm tired. Cranky. My eyes hurt and I haven't had much of a productive 2 weeks, writing-wise. Training for a new job--Now that I'm pronounced well healed enough to work.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy working.

It's just that after four years of being disabled, getting back into the swing of job-world is traumatizing.

I'll get over it. I can do anything I set my will too. After all, I'm walking without a cane ... a crutch ... or one of those stupid space boot looking pieces of Cr*p I had to use for the past four years.

It's just that right now.

Everything seems loud and frantic. Lights too bright or too dim. Too busy or not busy enough. Too cold. Too hot. I'm either tired or so jazzed that sitting in one place is like torture. But I do it.

I dreamed about training material ... ME! the master of dark dreams. Of course they weren't happy Lalala ... I'm at work dreams ... more like OMFG there's a giant phone trying stab me in the ear ... and a training manual with teeth like a shark... So you know, that part was at least comforting. But dreaming about work even if in a dark-dream context--man what a bummer.

So it's Friday. I'm exhausted. And it's frustrated attempting to train myself to go to bed by at least eleven so I can wake up at the time I'm normally going to bed. And then I'm suffering writing withdrawals throughout the day ... so that's all good right cause this is all for a good cause ... to support my broke *ss while I revise my works to get them ready for publishing.

Only right now ... not much revision is getting done. But you know what? I got a lot of faith. I was once told that I don't look at the world realistically enough ... But it's not true. I see a very realistic version of the world ... and I know that despite all the hellacious crap that goes on it ... good things happen too if you work for it.

So maybe I'll get published and maybe I won't ... but I'll still put my stuff out there for anyone who wants to read it ... I write first for myself and then for the entertainment of others.

Oooh but I did at least get five Chapters of the Voice of Tin Gods revised ... the first book in the Armageddon Chronicles.

So I was a little productive ... (tiny bit) minuscule ... wee.